Fire ceremonies. Making offerings to deities. Dancing under a full moon. Burning sage.
We might conjure up scenes like these when we hear someone utter the word, “ritual.” It’s a word that’s become ubiquitous in recent times punctuated by our ever-expanding yearning to heal and feel whole.
Beyond the religious and the formally ceremonial, everyday rituals are a powerful way to imbue sacred appreciation for the present moment.
They are also practices that take us out of our habit loops and anchor us in intention and loving awareness.
Habits vs. rituals
Ritual’s innocent and precocious little brother is habit.
Habits are automatic, often unconscious, thought and behavior patterns that have been learned over time and repetition.
They can be as simple as how we pour a cup of coffee. As complex as how we approach conflict within our relationships.
Many of our habits were formed as young children while navigating interactions with our caregivers. They are steeped in our need to survive and receive the care we need, and they are often humming below the surface – even as adults.
Habits may or may not be aligned with who it is we know ourselves to be at our core. And, now that we’re capable adults without our survival at stake, it’s possible that these patterns have worn out their usefulness. It may even feel like they’re impeding our ability to show up in the ways we know ourselves to be, deep down.
This is where rituals can change the game.
Rituals are practices anchored to our core values and designed to help us fulfill our visions for our lives.
Rather than being borne out of survival like many habits are, they are thoughtfully created from a place of self-compassion, inner knowing, and deep grounding. Often with the help of a coach, a therapist, or in solitude during a walk in nature or on the pages of a journal.
Like habits, rituals are often the daily, small actions we take. And they can eventually occur with less effort – through practice and time. They will feel like we’re syncing back to the natural rhythm of life.
Examples of rituals include:
- A mid-day meditation practice
- Preparing family meals on Sunday evenings
- Writing a thank you letter each morning
- Weekly runs through the forest
- Riding your bike to work each day
- Massaging your hands with oils after bathing
- Having a weekly heartset check-in with your partner
- Reading your favorite book before bed
- Drinking purified water with lemon first thing in the morning
- Cold showers after your workouts
- Visiting the farmer’s market on Saturdays
- Having dinner with your friends once a month
- Hugging your child each time you walk through the front door
- Saying, “I love you,” each time you look in the mirror
- Setting your goals each quarter
- Standing barefoot in the grass under the stars every night
The list of rituals is as infinite as there are thoughts and behaviors.
And rituals work best when they are continuously revisited and reexamined for their usefulness. For their alignment with our truths. We are, after all, dynamic, evolving beings. And our values, visions, needs, and desires can shift right along with us.
What rituals are not
There are many ways our old, habitual ways of being and doing can seep into our rituals. After all, that is what has been familiar. That’s what’s been predictable. Maybe that’s what’s helped us get attention. Had us feeling like we’re “in control” or “right” about how it is. Maybe that’s what’s even helped that old part of us survive.
To distinguish whether we’re coming from habit vs. ritual… reaction vs. presence, it’s helpful to clarify what rituals are not. Ritual’s are not:
- Another way to escape, anesthetize, or ignore our emotions
- Punishment for past behavior
- Fixed, rigid routines that are unadaptable to circumstances
- A new, compulsive method of control
Will we find ourselves treading into these territories? Absolutely. We are divinely human – the ebb and flow of our presence is as natural as our inhale and our exhale.
And we keep a pulse on our experience by practicing compassionate curiosity.
When we find ourselves drifting back into re-action, into auto-pilot, into dis-ease, being gripped by tension in our bodies – this is the perfect invitation to get curious about what it is that we need. What it is our inner wisdom is telling us.
And we honor and integrate that knowledge through aligned action – through ritual.
Why now?
We are reaching a breaking point where our old, often inherited, patterns have begun to leech our aliveness and have many of us feeling stuck and separate from one another. Where their consequences are outweighing their benefits. Consequences like:
- Violence
- Confusion
- Loneliness
- Disease
- Greed
- Dishonesty
- Stealing
- Addiction
- Possessiveness
None of these consequences are “bad.” In fact, from my perspective, they are beautiful.
They are simply signals of our underlying fears, needs, and perspectives going chronically unseen, unacknowledged, invalidated, and unmet. Of our bodies being stuck in survival mode, and acting out unchecked habit loops.
We are starving, collectively, for deeper presence within our actions.
To weave purpose and intention into our daily doings.
To restore our reverence for the sacred ordinary.
To integrate being with doing…the sacred feminine with the sacred masculine.
To fall back in love with life.
We are eager to call in something new. Something that connects us more intimately to our experience and to each other. That leaves us feeling witnessed and held in all of our messiness.
Can you feel it?
We’re stepping into a time where the value of sacred ceremony is being remembered.
An old proverb states that, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” I can think of no time more necessary than the present to invoke the power of ritual.
Whether it’s lighting a candle while we pray, or dancing around a crackling fire with our Earth sisters and brothers – the day of the ritual has returned.
May it open our eyes to the inner truths burning within our hearts.
